I Smell Franchise

By Sang-Do Paul Kim

ACT I
FADE IN:
INT. – BUSY SCHOOL HALLWAY
The Star is a good-looking kid new to town. Accidently bumps into girl. Both crouch to pick up items. A shady janitor looks exasperated with the mess. One random kid walking by exclaims in a funny tone: “catchphrase”.
Cue music when her face is revealed.

STAR
Hi! I’m new but very likable to the audience due to my charm and lack of a father figure in my life!

GIRL
Oh! Hi! I am taken back by our awkward introduction but intrigued.

Enter the screen GIRL’s boyfriend and posse.

GIRL’S BF
Hey! I am here to immediately establish myself as unlikable and physically dominant!

BF pushes STAR down to floor. Swings his arm around GIRL’s shoulder.

GIRL
I am exclaiming familiar exasperation!

Girl’s BF leaves with his posse.

GIRL
I offer a quick apology. I ask if we can still communicate in a social setting.

STAR
I reply with a definite yes!

In the background the same random kid shakes his head.

CATCHPHRASE KID
Catchphrase

END OF ACT ONE

ACT II
INT. GYM CLASS. BADMINTON LESSON
Girl’s BF is revealed to be the key player of school’s badminton team. Black Uniforms with a COACH wearing a matching uniform. Awkward but colorful characters suffer abuse from the team in the form of flying birdies.

STAR
I am rebelling against this established hierarchy! I am declaring my distaste in front of everyone,

which will conveniently establish loyalty from the colorful secondary characters.

Girl’s BF prepares to deliver a high speed birdie to Star’s face when it is BLOCKED
ZOOM OUT from grasped birdie to reveal that the hand belongs to shady janitor’s racket. In slight panic, rest of team launch their birdies. JANITOR takes on the entire team singlehandedly. COACH is slightly amused with all of this.

COACH
I challenge the Star and the Janitor against my team to a climatic match set in the future!

Coach struts out of gym with team following in fashion. BF slowly leaves while staring at Star.
Star slowly turns towards the janitor.

STAR
I am taken back by Janitor’s hidden talent and I am requesting training immediately!

JANITOR
I quietly refuse and reveal that I swore off to the art of badminton due to my dark past.

Janitor continues to mop as we slowly exits the shot. Star is left with rest of the class.

STAR
I ask you all to join my team in a rousing speech.

RECENTLY MADE BEST FRIEND
I agree to join due to witnessing your recent actions.

LOVEABLE FAT KID
I, as well.

YOUNGEST KID IN THE GROUP
I as well.

CATCHPHRASE KID
Catchphrase!

FOREIGN-EXCHANGE KID
Me too. But seriously, why is everyone talking so weird? is this how you guys talk all the time?

PAN to another character.

REALLY TALENTED KID
I refuse for now. But I will join when the team requires an individual to be the Deus ex machina during the climatic match.

CUT TO:
EXT./INT. TRAINING MONTAGE.
Music with several scenes of struggled training. At the last scene of montage music fades out and everyone is sweating and breathing heavily.
Slow clap as everyone turns to the source. ENTER the Janitor.

JANITOR
I have been gruffly admiring your training effort and I am grudgingly willing to train you. The call of badminton is too strong.

Catchphrase kid gets up in excitement.

CATCHPHRASE KID
Catchphrase!

CUT TO:
EXT./INT. TRAINING MONTAGE.
Training Montage illustrating significant improvement from last montage. FREEZE FRAME of last shot of montage.
END OF ACT TWO

ACT III
FADE IN:
INT. EMPTY GYM
Star walks in seeing that Janitor is there alone with a contemplating look. Star sits next to janitor.

STAR
I thank you for all that I have learned from you. My entire chat is seeping with the theme of the absent father figure.

JANITOR
I reveal my dark past. I reveal to have had a promising career in badminton. Power drunk from my Badminton skills,

I knocked out/killed my son with a direct birdie hit. He’s either dead or in a coma;

it really depends on whether or not this movie will be owned by Disney. I pause for a dramatic moment.

Beat. Wide shot of empty dark gym.

JANITOR (CONT’D)
I have never touched a racket since.

The Star, after a beat, walks out of shot. Brings back two rackets and a birdie.
The janitor smiles. We hear noises of them playing as the shot pans away from the action and as the screen BLACKS OUT.

INT. GYM. COMPLETELY PACKED WITH ENERGY.

COACH
I smirk and guffaw at your team and boast the superiority of my team. I am being a complete ass to everyone including to my own team.

This is in no way to hide my insecurity of my penis.

First half: Star’s team is losing badly.
CUT TO:
INT. LOCKER ROOM

JANITOR
It is halftime so here is my speech that brings up morality. This will undeniably be the most quoted part out of the entire movie.

Team nods in slow agreement.

JANITOR (CONT’D)
This part will be on many Facebook statuses. You’re going to get really sick of it. I ask you to join me in loud screaming for climatic morale boosting.

REALLY TALENTED KID (O.S.)
I conveniently enter with the uniform already on. I ask everyone what everyone is waiting for.

CATCHPHRASE KID
Yes! Catchphrase!

INT. GYM. COMPLETELY PACKED WITH ENERGY.
Second half: Star’s team quickly ties up.
Some tension and a final buzzer hit point. Star’s team wins.

GIRL
I am so happy that you won! I declare us to be an item.

Star and Girl kiss with rest of team exclaim vocal disgust.

JANITOR
I too am content and happy about life once more.

RECENTLY MADE BEST FRIEND
Let us go celebrate until the sequel for this comes out.

CATCHPHRASE KID
Catchphrase!

Team members jump in the air. FREEZE FRAME with music.
END OF ACT THREE