The Following Statements Have Not Been Evaluated by the FDA

By Justine Bronfin

(A Life Measured in Breakfast Food)
Definition of Pancake: Noun; the breakfast version of the traditional cake.
Used in a sentence: Pancakes are often full of something, but they are never full of it.
Antonyms: Raisin Bran, dry toast
Synonyms: None. Unlike anything else.

Compare and Contrast: A Brief and Not Very Thorough History of the Cake and Pancake
Pancakes are cooked quickly on a hot pan, rather than baked slowly in the oven. Unlike the cake, which is coated in frosting, pancakes are served with butter and syrup (although including frosting is not out of the realm of possibility; whereas one should never use syrup on a cake). A cake with many layers is called a layered cake; pancakes a short stack. While there has been considerable debate over which came first, no wars or squabbles have yet broken out.

Pancake making tips
For best results:
Do not over mix
Do not overcook
Do not compromise
Do not sacrifice quality for quantity
Do not use margarine in place of butter
Always use the freshest ingredients
Allow to rise nice and thick
Triple the vanilla extract
Double the batter
You never know when you’ll need a pancake

Pancake Encounters: A Not Quite Linear Not Quite True Autobiography

Part I: Celebratory Traditions Upheld in the Modern American Family
Chocolate chip pancakes.
For my birthday. Special birthday pancakes packed with bittersweet chocolate morsels. Love and happiness rolled into joy.
Crispy tops…thick gooey centers that spill and swirl in buckets of syrup. Melty chocolate
Special birthday treat

Part III: Incentives Proven to Increase Worker Productivity
Pecan pancakes at Ihop…the International House of Pancakes. It is early morning. Exhausted after a 3 mile run. I am on my high school track team. Early morning meet. I came in second to
Slow runner. Weak lungs. Excuses excuses except…

I didn’t come in last. No, I stole the “second to last” title by a hair. Seriously. I have really long hair and the girl I beat had nothing but a wimpy bob.
Oh well. It was all worth it…a pleasant reason to enjoy breakfast at Ihop with mom.
I’ll take the pain and shame for the pancake.

Calories burned equals calories earned.
I cash them in on the short stack multi-grain pecan pancakes.

Part IV: Complex Nature Inherent in the Male/Female Relationship
“I love pankaices”
Written by a former best friend
I am not Kai

Part V: Studying the Psychological Effect of Harassment on an Emotional Eater
Working at the library. Shelving dusty books that irritate my eyes and skin. Getting harassed by a coworker because I am never fast enough. Because it takes me two hours to unload a single cart of books and videos and CDs. Something that takes the other “pages” half an hour to do.
I leave work. I walk home. The house empty except for my dogs. Charlie. Mickey. Shane.
Eager, excited, desperate eyes…times three…stare up at me.
Back from walks. So hungry. No more starving.
I know. I know. I spot the box of bisquick.
I’ll have pancakes. Yes, pancakes for lunch.
Fill me up.

Part VI: The Consequences of Sleep Deprivation on the Brain
Purple pancakes at Whole Foods. A bite to eat before class. Oh, who am I kidding? Many many bites were had of these perfect purple pancakes
Loaded with blueberries!
Tall stack of pancakes; each the size of a small pizza.
A necessary indulgence for a college student sweating in the shadow of a looming midterm.
Purple pancakes served on an aqua green plastic plate.
So big and thick. Juicy blueberries…Sweet and tart. Organic topaz gems.
Let’s not forget…

The pure pure maple syrup. Like liquid gold! Deep auburn…so rich. So decadent. So sticky.

For shame Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Buttersworth. For shame.
However I am only going to eat half…less than half.
Not for fear of the freshman 10.
I’ve already got that under my belt.
No, I wish to save the rest for later.
A sweet and succulent reminder
To prolong the joyful ecstasy of these perfect purple pancakes for as long as possible
And because you never quite know when a special occasion, long night, endurance test, ex bestie, bullying coworker, midterm will put you in desperate need of a pancake.